Look at What This Individual Had for Lunch

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— someofmyblurst (@someofmybest) April 29, 2015

Peanut Butter Banana My Bad Bread

I was going to complain about this recipe I just tried to make for Peanut Butter Banana Bread. My result was a lump of glop with a crust around the edges. Could have sworn I followed every step, but I checked the recipe one last time to see what I might have left out. Probably including 1 and 2/3 cups of flour would have made a difference.

My New Store!

There's nothing like relaxing on a Sunday afternoon with some salsa and things to dip in it, with Filmation's 1988 animated masterwork Bravestarr: The Legend screening in front of you. What could make it better?

I'll tell you what: having your laptop in your lap and posting a new picture of your store for everyone to see! That's right. The blog has been going so well that I've rented the empty former OfficeMax building on North West Avenue in Jackson, Michigan. (Not to be confused with West North Avenue. I know, confusing, right?) 

In no way could I better capitalize on the success of this blog than by opening a "bricks n' mortar" storefront! I still haven't decided what to sell there besides my novel (Grand Theft Boblo, only seven bucks!), my short story collection (Dungeons and Dayjobs), and some crochet hats that I was unable to sell on Etsy. I'll probably put together something food-related to sell, or maybe photography-related. So exciting!

Share and enjoy!

Pasghetti Squash Preview

Here's a preview of what I will be posting some day soon.

I haven't decided which recipe to try yet.

Maybe Spaghetti Squash with Mushrooms and Parmesan.

*SLURP*!

There are so many recipes on Pinterest with Spaghetti Squash in them.

This is just one screen of them.

It's a Yarn of Chiles

Jessica S. wrote, "I like it! You should add in your crochet projects somehow."

I thought, "That would be crazy,"

but I was at work and remembered this because

if it was a snake it would have bitten me

from two feet away.

This:

That's not a string of chiles drying. It's a yarn of chiles that I crocheted,

hanging from the wall of my cubicle at w*rk.

They'll have so many fun toys to box up when they boot me out someday.

Why don't you follow me on social media sites?

My youtube channel is Deidzoeb.

My Pinterest name is Robert Northrup.

I don't have a Twitter account devoted to EatMyProPhotoFood blog,

but you should follow my cat @SongliansCafe.

Subscribe to my podcasts on iTunes or wherever fine podcasts are subscribed:

Brazen Hearts, Fresh, On Sticks - Bloody goblin love story.

Dungeons and Dayjobs - audio of my short stories.

Share and enjoy!

CHEESY SKILLET PIZZA MONKEY BREAD FOR THE CHEESY SKILLET PIZZA MONKEY BREAD GOD

Here's a secret:

you don't have to use Pillsbury products

to create their recipe for Skillet Pizza Monkey Bread.

I need to step up my game with clickbait headlines. How's this?

17 Carb Bombs Coated in Cheese

That Are Now in My Belly.

You won't believe #6 is not butter.

No, I shared with Melinda and should have some leftovers,

if I can stop.

Share and enjoy.

Presentation on Health and Prophecy

I thought you might enjoy the pictures of foodstuff from this pamphlet that came in my mail recently. Most years their promotional materials only show the Four Beasts and talk about The Endtimes, but this year they've added pictures of grapes and they're talking about health! So that's nice.

You can click on these pictures to see larger versions of them, or any of the photographs on my site. I didn't create this artwork or anything, just scanned the pamphlet.

Roar! Winged lions! I would like some grapes, a tomato sandwich with mayo and a dash of salt on it, and maybe a flank steak from that bear with the blades coming out of it's snout.

Do I place my new world order with a waiter or the maitre d' or someone? I don't know how those things work at new world restaurants. These are the kinds of questions I expect they will answer at the presentation. Also I would like to know how to prepare my immune system for the Seven Last Plagues.

  

So many nutritious possibilities! Now I'm hungry for some chimera roast with a side of fresh berries. Yum-mm.

Share and enjoy while you still can!
Please.

A Bowl of Stuffed Pepper Soup with Chicken Instead of Beef

Stuffed Pepper Soup with Chicken Instead of Beef

When I think of spaghetti squash, I think of my Grandpa Northrup. He had a huge garden covering an acre or two around the edges of a swamp. He used to pay my cousin Jim and me a penny for each potato bug we picked off his plants. We'd show him a jar full of bugs, and I kind of doubt he really counted them all, but he'd get an estimate. I'm pretty sure we got paid, because we did it more than once, and we're weren't chumps. Grandpa also likes to point out that there's this squash that tastes like spaghetti, if you cook it and shred the inside and pour spaghetti sauce over it. The shreds look like noodles. Also good with just some butter, if you like squash.

Spaghetti squash photo by DocteurCosmos from commons.wikimedia.org licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported, 2.5 Generic, 2.0 Generic and 1.0 Genericlicense.

Now Jim's wife Ame asked me to write a post about Spaghetti Squash. My first request! I am utterly stoked. And that's going to be a corker of a good post, probably next week.

Tonight I made Stuffed Pepper Soup from a recipe I found on Pinterest. Which doesn't actually host any recipes, it just redirects to other places. You probably knew that. Anyways, you can find it on a site called cookingclassy dot com. That's where the link on Pinterest pointed to. It took forever to load. Maybe it's just my wifi or something. Then when I tried to look at it on a different day, because I first pinned it like three days ago, today it was taking forever. I closed that browser tab and reopened and tried different things. Then it's crusted up with so many pictures and ads that it would load like two pictures, then I couldn't scroll down the screen any more. When I finally got down to the recipe, I was sick of friggin around so I copied the text of the recipe and pasted it into Notepad, then shut down the damn browser tab.

I don't get a lot of ground beef except for chili, because that stuff is expensive compared with chicken and pork. Depending on what cuts you get, you can still get bony chicken for $1 per pound, and bony pork for a buck and a half or two per pound. Beef is like pffeeeewwwww, $3-$4 per pound just for ground beef. What's the kind that everyone says you're supposed to get because it's higher quality or whatever? Ground chuck? I think they used that at Domino's twenty years ago when I worked there. We ran out and I had to pick some up from the grocery store, and the manager said make sure to get ground chuck instead of ground beef or whatever the other is called. Higher quality.

That stuff costs more. But the cheapest stuff is like $3 per pound for a roll that looks like an obscene sausage.

Is there a law in the food service industry that managers have to be assholes? Cuz he was. Not because of the ground chuck thing, I mean because he'd get stressed and throw things, slam the peel on a table. A "peel" is that thing that looks like a giant spatula or a flat shovel for pulling the pizza out of the oven.

So I had some chicken in the freezer, from a big ol' family pack I bought to save money. Why not, I thought, make Stuffed Pepper Soup with Chicken Instead of Beef? And take pictures? For my new blog which is called "Eat My Professional Photographs of Food Blog" which I started today and already I'm doing my second post. Enthusiasm!

Okay, I was half done before I started taking pictures. No big deal. Surely you know what it looks like to dice veggies and sautee them. Cook some chicken. I kinda browned it for ten minutes, then cooked it in two cups of water for like thirty minutes. You should probably only do that for fifteen or twenty, I guess. Make sure it's cooked enough. With a thermometer or something.

Chicken on a plate before I picked it off the bones.

Everything in the pot except for rice and the first few pieces of chicken.

Picking up some of the soup on a spoon makes a more dynamic photograph.

Nice composition here too.

These are honeydew melon seeds that I toasted in a skillet with garam masala.

Not part of the Stuffed Pepper Soup, just something I made a few days ago.

Thought you'd want to see it.

Instead of two cloves of garlic like the recipe calls for, I took like six little cloves. I cut them in tiny pieces in my fingers and put them back into the little bowl where the rest of the cloves are sitting. When I went to toss them in the pot, this one was uncut in there under a layer of minced garlic. Oops.

This is the plate after I picked the chicken bones clean.

Only parts left are some gristle and sinew.

I put the lid back on the pot for thirty minutes like the recipe said to do.

This is the pot of soup as seen from above.

Lens got steamed up on my Coolpad Arise phone from Scratch Wireless.

It's so cheap, you have to download a separate app if you want to block someone.

Oh well.

I realized that my flash wasn't working before, because I have a phone case made for a Motorola or something and it has a hole for the camera lens, but not for the flash. So I took off the case and here you can see the blue reflection from the flash.

Spoons are dynamic. Yum! Tomorrow I'll post a picture of the finished bowl of soup, if I can get my phone to finish sending the damn photograph. Or maybe it's my wifi router, I don't know. Technology is frustrating even when you are Eating My Professional Photographs of Food Blog!

Share and enjoy, please.

Not the food, I mean share this post with other people,

so I'll get on Food Network's Next Blogger or something.

I should start centering all the text on here, shouldn't I?

Welcome to my Food Photographs Blog!

It was a foggy autumn day when I was struck by the idea to lay out a lot of words, delaying you from getting to the substance you want to see, namely recipes. Here's a photo of something I made before, but there's no recipe for it. Wait for the fifteen photos below to load before you can scroll down to the next paragraph of text.

I grew these jalapeno peppers in my mudroom.

This little lady got away with my toe, but the joke was on her because I got her eggs.

This little buck was afraid I would eat him.

So I will feature my professional photographs of food that I make, sometimes food that other people make, sometimes other people's photographs, sometimes things that could be food but that I didn't eat or cook. For example:

A red spot sunfish that I decided not to eat. Almost ten inches!

Here's a largemouth bass that was not big enough to keep, so I released it. But it's good to know I could get some protein other than squirrels and geese if peak oil or nuclear war or catastrophic climate change or capitalism destroys our civilization. I think about that sometimes. Shooting geese with bows and arrows. Because there are a lot of them around, for now.

I could have made a meal of this, but the black mold inside indicates I was a little too late. At least a squirrel or something ate on it.

Berries I picked along the bike trail. Yum!

This is funny.

Shrek Stroganoff answered a lot of my prayers.

This was in the ad paper for Hutch's in Spring Arbor, Michigan, USA. That mason jar contains a "Barbecue Sundae," consisting of  pork n' beans on the bottom, a layer of cole slaw, a quantity of pulled pork that was probably barbecued, and a pickle spear down the side. So creative!

And of course you'll get to see my professional photographs of food that I have made, such as the below ----

Chicken Rice Tomato Parsnip Okra Peas Carrots Onions Stew made by Rob "Eat My Professional Photographs of Food Blog" Northrup.

Finally got my cookie press to work right. Cookies by Rob "Eat My Professional Photographs of Food Blog" Northrup.

That's all the pictures I took today. I'll post some more tomorrow. Please follow me on Twitter, Instagram, Flickr, Condoleeza, Portnoy, Protnyo, Kabala and IG Farben intranet. My name is "EatMyProPhotoFood" or some variation of that on all of those platforms. Share with your friends or you're not really my friend! Ha ha, no pressure. But it means a lot to me because this is my only source of income now, so if the kickstarter for the comic book vape candles doesn't pan out, I really need people to read this blog and subscribe and follow on RSS and iTunes and Stitcher. There's an automatic service that turns your blog posts into an audio podcast read by a robotic voice of Bea Arthur. She even describes the photos, but I think the cookies look better than she says. It's expensive, but worth it. And the saleswoman for the service said, "You have to spend money to make money!" I know that's right.

More tomorrow! Thanks! This is Rob Northrup signing off. Send me your ideas and recipes and sculptures. I can't pay you for them or give you credit for them, but I will use them if they're good enough!